I don’t know what it is with me and water (see my first note about water fountains), but here’s the second portion of the first note’s theme – water.


I placed the following note on an unopened Pellegrino sparkling water bottle, and placed it on my sister’s desk when she walked way to get a bite to eat. She’s very health-conscious. If there’s one thing about Sonoma County is that it’s an expensive area to live in, which means we attract a lot of health fanatics and whole-foods shoppers. You know the types to spend $20 on a salad during a work-break while I eat at taco bell and get a meal deal for $2.75 during happy hour with the rest of the world.

What on earth is kale by the way? Has this always existed or is it man-made?

Anyway, you may have heard that it is important to drink 7-8 cups of water a day. Or something like along those lines. You may have even shopped at Costco and saw ridiculous upgrades to your standard Crystal Geyser water bottle. Stuff like Smart Water (which is simply double the size and triple the price of standard water).  There is even sparkling or carbonated water. It’s WATER people! There’s rarely any difference between them. If you’ve read the ingredients in water bottles in third-world countries, you see they add many chemicals to “sterilize” and provide “nutrition” to their water. In reality, I feel this does more harm than good. All this water talk is making me thirsty, and i’m normally good at going long-distances without it. Trust me I know, it’s in my African genes.

Essentially, I was just trying to guilt trip people for drinking water with this note. However, more information and facts about water is available at and

Stay thirsty my friends.


“So you bought this expensive sparkling carbonated water. You must feel pretty damn good about yourself. You health-conscious fanatic you.

Well, did you know:

  • Drinking too much water too quickly can lead to water intoxication
  • Much more fresh water is stored under the ground in aquifers than on the earth’s surface.
  • Collectively, South African women and children walk a daily distance equivalent to 16 trips to the moon and back to fetch water.
  • 32. It takes 2,641 gallons of water to make a pair of jeans.
  • The United States uses nearly 80 percent of its water for irrigation and thermoelectric power.
  • Some 1.8 billion people worldwide drink water that is contaminated with feces.

Not to mention, there are so many other things that look just like water.

Think about it.

If i were you, i’d go grab an orange juice with some high-fructose corn syrup or something.

By the way the caps open”


For the record, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the water bottle, my sister just threw it away and drank two more. Then, she did a handstand.



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